‘NO BRAINER’ DEPT (issue 2)

OKAAAAYYYY … Moi

so the goververnment needs revenue and we are all desperate for income. So? Do you fancy a quick flight?

“That disembarkment ruined everything I’ve been doing for the last two months. The whole thing flew out the window …”

qtownflightairnz

So don’t ask me—I’m just a dog. Go ask a people … actually, you don’t need ask ’em, just watch ’em. Observe, and as the famous Pogo said, in words to the effect:

“We have met the enemy,

   And he is us …”

In the meantime:  the beat goes on, the beat goes onnnnnnn* …

dodo me

line, turquoise thin

* Sonny & Cher number, from a few years back.

AMERICA COPES—

AND IN OUR OWN WAY,

so do we kiwis.

 

We read about others and it makes us feel better … and now: fresh in from the most significant others (America!)—

Headbangers Inc

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD THAT….

 My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. 

 Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally…

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Moi & bucket zzz

Can too … but not just yet zzzawwp …

THE SPOUSE IN LOCKDOWN

IN ALL OTHER RESPECTS

is exemplary. No complaints. Hell, I’d even go to sea with her, and having swallowed the blasted anchor that is really saying something. But—

(there’s always a but, but?)

—but she’s taken to watching repeats of Doc Quin (Miss Seymour) Medicine Person about the time I slither out of bed (actually, fall out—it’s a huge waterbed and without her almost ineffective weight I get surges unless careful).

And when I’m gobbling breakfast she is watching the lovely Miss Seymour (nice) and all the infinitely unending never ceasing completely unoriginal blasted endless infinite cliched plots. Not nice. So? Live and let live, hey?

MAYBE

those plots weren’t cliches when Miss Seymour filmed them …

The plots alone I might survive, if only … if only it weren’t for that endlessly unending never ceasing eternal constant

‘LA LA LA LA LAAA LAAAAAAA’

of the blasted French horn. Non stop, all through.

Comme ca— down-there

—it’s just the first wee sample on this wee snippet. (I didn’t bother with the rest, you can go off French horns) …

Furthermore:

Oogle phleep!

 

GRIN & BEAR IT

BARE IT?

animated-laughing-image-0074.gif

Naaaahhhh … not in this weather.

Brrrr. Here’s your quote—

“Coming to a window near you, if they are not already there, are the teddy bears of the Covid-19 pandemic. Look around next time you and your bubble escape the confines of home for a safe stroll around the block you will probably not have to go far without seeing a teddy propped up on an inside window ledge, smiling or waving as you pass by.”

And I have no idea if it’s just an NZ thing or a universal, in which case it is most likely imported from America.

But I love it!

Forgive me if I’ve posted this before (I do a lot of corresponding) but here’s someone taking it seriously—

Screen Shot 2020-04-07 at 09.02.53.png

—snapped as we were hoofing all the way down to the graveyard (no, silly person … not to check in but to see if they had any mushies growing there this year.)(Precious few, it turned out …)

Sheesh.png

WOW! NOT WOE?

This answers that, then—

static more

The International News Media Association – drawing on research by scientists, experts and the World Health Organisation – is unambiguous in its message: There is no documented incident whereby the Covid-19 virus was transmitted from a print newspaper or magazine.

The reasons for this are several:

    • Covid-19 lasts longest on smooth, non-porous surfaces. Paper, on the other hand, is incredibly porous.
    • The printing process and ink used add to the sterility of newspapers (remember that people used to eat fish n chips from papers for that very reason)
    • The printing, bagging and stacking process is fully automated.
    • The printing shifts are split – and kept apart – to prevent any cross-infection should anyone become ill.

—which sure beat wearing the semi-mandatory face-mask, flippers, snorkel, and wetsuit for collecting and unwrapping the Southland Times. How ’bout that?

But—

WRT the fish ‘n’ chips … here in NZ the takeaway goodies were always removed from the deep fryer and plopped straight into a grease-proof crinkly liner paper atop the newspaper before immediate wrapping. (I was surprised when I returned to the UK as an adult to find they didn’t do this.)(Yeuch …)

Moi mini

FOR MYSELF—

But first,

your quoted image             down-there

national-university-of-singapore-88e41a78.jpg

Well now …

For myself I prefer the ‘Thai Wai’, or (not listed above) the Japanese bow—you know, lean forward from the waist (with or without eye contact, that’s up to you; but eye contact limits his chances of bopping you first and running off with your wallet) and mumble something nice.

Or, if taking it seriously, carry a wee pack of those disposable one-shot ‘plastic-bag’ gloves. You can put one on, shake hands properly, then carefully turn it inside out for disposal (hopefully without offending your new acquaintance).

(Hey! Don’t stop me now, I could have a real ball with this—)

If you’re an ex-forces type you could try a military style salute but please do it properly or not at all; snapping to attention first might just be taken as sarcasm by those not in the know. Oops. (Don’t forget the hat, though …)

MYSELF?

I really like the “Thai Wai” above. That is real style, inoffensive, with “Hail Fellow, well met” sentiments. (Using that risky ‘elbow’ thing you may just get the hairy oaf who normally crushes your paw, knocking you off your feet instead …)

O tempora, o mores … and o, how we adapt …

BOOM BOOM

THE SNAIL ALWAYS

172539-9215b10c-0afb-4179-8d30-cdb287e048faGETS THROUGH

no?

“But it’s still a vital tool for a lot of people. And those people continue to put bills and wedding invitations and, yes, even personal letters through these boxes on street corners with the absolute, unshakeable belief they will get to their respective destinations.”

sourced from: CLICK HERE

Oh, wow. Faith. I like that~! So, what will our dreaded Corona bug do to snail mail, hmmm? Electrons (I have it on good authority) cannot possibly carry viri. Viruses. Them things …

And yes, I am a cynic. Go ahead, challenge me …

chimp

“Cricket? Who the hell gives a BRA for cricket?”