WTF Dept: 1

MAD AS1

hatters?

Or just genuinely loopy?

Or better yet: out to consolidate markets?

The Southland Times (of Wednesday 12th July 2017) carried an article on its ‘World’ page headlined “Vatican reiterates gluten-free bread ban”

It made fascinating reading. But when I tried to verify online for this post I found ‘404’ messages scattered all over the web. The CT in me suggests that the Vatican is possibly fighting a no-holds-barred rearguard action, with a lot of clout behind it. (Or it could be God? Brrrr …)

pcSo let me quote from the clipping on the desk before me—

“—say a prayer for Catholics who happen to be coeliac …”  good start. Catchy. But face it, if some poor coeliac gets nuked by an act of God at the behest of the Holy Father—wouldn’t that effectively make him/her/it a martyr? And thus guaranteed fast track to Paradise?

Hosts that are gluten-free are invalid matter for the celebration of the Eucharist

Ouch. So having won and lost many fist-fights with devout devotees throughout my childhood and youth on the veracity of ‘transubstantiation’, here now is Mac’s onboard dictionary on the topic—

1.png

—so now we know. What we once had to (i.e. it was compulsory) (no argument, hence all the fights) believe as gospel fact is now merely a matter of opinion.

Thus genuine cannibalism becomes symbolic cannibalism, no?

Either way the idea is repugnant—do Christians never consider that eventually they’d pass ‘symbolic’ shit? Or is sacred shit? Holy turds? Christly crap?

Perhaps miraculous one-hundred percent digestion … still the mind boggles. I said repugnant and I stand repugnated—symbolic or not.

Now read on and be enlightened further—

.2.png

—by clicking the pic which is an active link to a different (much abbreviated) source.

“Canon law states that bread used for Holy Communion must be made from wheat and water for transubstantiation to occur …”

Otherwise, I guess, God is unable to perform His miracle. I boggle at the idea that He might employ holy teams of holy angels to perform holy Quality Assurance checks on all incoming requests for holy miracles—

“Hey God~!”

“Yo?”

“Buncha Pacific Islanders here got no wheat so they made bread from coconut husks so’s they can do Communion—”

“Nope! No good! Gotta be REAL bread otherwise I can’t transubsnotsiate— transcomblomerate— trsnfnig— (bugger!)  … … change.”

“Okay. I’ll inspire the Pope to make a ruling for you?”

“Go get ’em, Pete. I’d do it meself but I’m all tied up running interference on Donald Trump right now … ” 

‘Nuff on heavenly conversation; on with the show—

“… they have to be made from wheat. Those made of rice, corn, or tapioca starch, like some were a few years ago, are no longer available as they were deemed ‘invalid matter’ by the Church …”

—does this mean that the impromptu ‘breads’ used for past miracles are no longer real, and must be struck from the record—all privileges rescinded?

Will the Vatican patent its holy recipe, and sell licences?

Can we expect franchised bakeries, with all others being cursed (or at least excommunicated)? Halal communion breads, if we extend the logic? Brrrr …

1969_Winter_Ritual_09

“Don’t you dare bite my bikkie—it’s gluten free!”

 

Big J

“Daft, I call it~! Err … We call it! All three of me … “

—and when biting your Holy Host, please bite gently. It may be human flesh and blood now, but the owner is still substantially attached (and with real nerves and sinews feels pain too)*.

buitre162

‘Host’ being another name for the sacred cookie (just in case you were wondering).

Kismet

* To err is human, to forgive divine … put to deliberately hurt your holy host, not nice.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “WTF Dept: 1

    1. I have no idea how many were flown to Heaven direct (do not pass GO, do not collect 200 shekels) on the strength of it not being 2017?

      And do we not suspect that they’d do it all again, given half the chance … hell, the Islamics never stopped: they rock, get stoned, and try not to lose their heads over petty interpretations.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s