Yeah. Sure …


when previously respected news outlets devolve into semi-literate garbage dispersal units. But first—

Screen Shot 2017-01-03 at 15.40.13.png

—we have no option other than to give them top marks for a catchy headline.

But …

“Huge” fire?

“Ripped through” Titanic?


With all the literature out there—movies, books, magazine articles, TV, souvenirs, eyewitness accounts, radio shows, inquest records, plays, and millions of other stuffs—surely some bugger would have mentioned a massive fire before now?

Dammit, I’m hooked. I plough on.

But first, have a nice Titanic to confirm where we’re at:

RMS T.png

It’s an active link to the source news article being reviewed here

And our ref’d article begins with a most interesting claim—



Which can only be defended if we allow for a wee bit of poetic licence on the part of the reporters. And their supervisors. And the sub-editors. And the editor, if modern ‘news’ outlets still have such things. Then again, being no great genius myself I may be wrong (and Titanic really was the biggest boat ship of all time). Unless of course they were mentally including the phrase “until this time” or the best variant thereof.

fire one.png

A ‘massive’ blaze. Unequivocal, I like that. A massive blaze, but quite out of sight in the sharp end? No-one noticed the smoke and/or heat/and/or fumes; and it didn’t blister the external paintwork, or even make the ship glow a bit pinkish in the dark?

fire 2.png

Twelve men battled etc etc (obviously for days, and days …)(in shifts? Four at a time, in eight-hour watches?) yet still no-one told the skipper, or the designer chap? (Andrews, nice guy in both major box-office success movies, and the books.)

Even better or worse—none of them bothered explaining to the rest of the crew? Or they did and everyone was so riddled with company loyalty that none of it got past him?  And in all the inquests, probes, and ‘please explains’ nobody gave so paltry a matter as a tiny little massive fire any mention?

“As temperatures of between etc etc Celsius” …?

As they did what?

I hate it when reporters leave me gasping for information. Then again, they (reporters) might have meant ‘at’. If so that’s actually quite a range of temperatures—how did they come by those numbers? Or shouldn’t I ask—that’s it, I shouldn’t ask, so I won’t. There, they’re off the hook.

more on.png


Ol’ God again. (Billy Connolley sued Him, in one of his movies.)

Here, have another nice ox—

Screen Shot 2017-01-03 at 16.56.43.png

—heck with the expense, have two. Oxes.

The imagery might help you decipher their above paragraph. Then again, it might not. (If the plural of ox is oxen, how come the plural of box isn’t … don’t fret it, I shan’t.)

tally ho!.png

Aaaah … so now we’ve come to the gritty, at last.

You know, all these years I’ve been tossing and turning through sleepless nights worrying about poor ol’ EJ (Captain) and his decision to thunder full ahead on all boilers through minefie hazardous waters when just a couple of miles away the wily Californian had hove to and was sitting it out. His faith in the unsinkability of umpty thousands of tons of steel must have been cosmic … or was he perhaps mindful of the dangers of burning coal burning not where and how it was supposed to be burning? Only the gods know, but enough coal mines had major problems with explosions and such in those days. Perhaps something going BOOM in the night might have seemed a bigger risk/danger/hazard to EJ than his lovely new ship banging into a few bits of ice in the dark.

Or perhaps the Telegraph is a bit short of sensational subject matter right now … as well as proof readers— “There are also suggestion that …” indeed.

Dammit—when I do it it’s deliberate*. When they do it … forgive them, Lords, for they know not what they do, etc etc. Perhaps their keeping-the-office-warm fire is coal powered and they are treading cautiously. Wimps … bugger the ice! Full ahead both, dammit!


* Mostly. (And I still think them oxens look a lot like zebus …)


2 thoughts on “RMS TITANIC?

  1. The hull was crippled? I can understand a ship being crippled, but a hull? Well, port me starboards Jim Lad! Bring aft the rum, shiver me splinters, boll me weevils and gast me flabbers …


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