I just dropped a buttered biscuit* onto a carpeted floor—and in contravention of all known laws of the universe (especially Murphy’s Law); that sucker landed—
—is that a genuine miracle, or what?
So I submitted the facts to the Southland Miracles Investigation Laboratory Enterprises folks in Invercargill for certification—
our trained technical experts are ready at all times and awaiting your call, Mr Argus …
—and eventually received a comprehensive report to the effect that:
many hours of experimentation with the very latest all-singing all-dancing ad hoc equipments;
We can inform you that
(a) provided Mr Argus has given us all the facts with no embellishments or obfuscations; and
(b) our Test Cat Mk 1 Mod 1 was healthy and not in any shape, way, manner or means defective; and
(c) Mr Argus’s genuine McVities Digestive Biscuit was of standard size, weight, shape; and constructed from true McVitie recipe standardised formative materials in all respects …
… then Mr Argus was indeed the recipient of a genuine Miracle of Vatican-approval standard.
IT IS OUR RECOMMENDATION
that he patent his methodology as soon as the Pope has officially given his blessing.”
And there you have it.
(Someone suggested I put the bikkie up for grabs on eBay, but too late; in a state of shock and utter disbelief I absent mindedly scoffed the blasted thing.)
* “McVities Digestive” … eeeeeeever so nice!
(And: no wheats were harmed in the making of this blog post; and no, I’m not paid for spontaneous testimonials that might otherwise be construed as unsolicited advertising.)